November 2011
1 post
October 2011
1 post
September 2011
2 posts
Start again
I start again, and die, and die, and die.
And start again.
May 2011
4 posts
Today seems as good a day as any
Zen
I thought I was lost, but you have to know where you want to go in order to be lost. I’m no longer lost, I’m just not found.
March 2011
4 posts
This weekend...
….it occurred to me that I was turning into a short, dumpy Polish woman.
Turns out fear is a powerful motivator.
Valid
Ok…during ironing today it occurred to me that I viewed taking a warm bath with razor blades as a valid lifestyle choice. This is fucked up. I need help again. I need to keep getting help. I need to accept that I am valid enough to get help.
fuck....F-U-C-K!!!!!!
A 100,000 tonnes aircraft carrier sized of OMFG! I was only looking up caffeine. I might have stumbled across something that could literally help me understand my past and give me more of a future. I’m stunned!
Feel like curling up, giving up.
February 2011
7 posts
I should sleep
Savage hamster
I feel like doing something stupid. Good stupid….I, I will roll with it.
lits
My housemate is moving out. He needs a change and I totally get that. I thought I could be the same, moving to feel fresh….to start again. But it does not matter. If I move I’ll just feel the same down the line. No move, no more.
January 2011
11 posts
This is not who I am.
6 tags
Change, confidence
Crazy week….my lack of confidence was challenged yesterday, while an uncertain future arrived today. While its all work related it’s got me thinking about who I am and what I want. I feel poisoned….a poison that needs to be bled from my system (metaphorically speaking).
Fuck cunt shit bugger balls arse.
4 tags
Tech whore
Been interested/obsessed with a new phone. I’m projecting to keep busy, avoid dysthymia. It’s kind of useful but it don’t solve anything.
Works getting me a MacBook Air…that was unexpected.
4 tags
It's ok because I can talk about it
Without sounding overly dramatic, but I’m having one of those “moments” where it’s a good idea not to have to much medication around the home :/
4 tags
I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. That is all.
So can’t be bothered doing anything…but I’ll feel better if I do.
December 2010
12 posts
Anti-beardism
Notice how in 80s cartoons, the bad guys have dark hair, dark eyes, beards & olive skin? As someone with dark hair & eyes, a beard and go olive coloured when I can find some sunlight, I feel aggrieved.
Ws
I get ws sometimes (wrist slitty).
I cant walk! Crazy OTT leg season at the gym on Saturday and everything from the waist down aches. Is this good, bad?
Bam!
After being on & off ill I got to the gym avec my glasses. Damn! There are some very hot big armed guys at my gym. The biggest surprise, being able to see and shit is that I kind of “fit” in. Granted I’m not very lean but I look better than I thought I did.
Positive self perception is positive! (especially if you have self-esteem issues).
November 2010
11 posts
Magic
My beard has magic powers. Got a lot of Interest on Saturday night including a very up front young lad. Not my type but nice ego boost.
I
I don’t wear my glasses in the gym. I thought I did it so I would not be “distracted”. In reality it’s because I did not want to look at myself. I won’t get my form right if I can’t see.
No more blindness.
Excitement
Strange feeling….start to plan a trip and it’s as if a fire comes to life…its not a week in the sun…train from Moscow to Vladivostok, ferry to Korea, then Japan. Going to use up all my holiday & it will cost a fortune but it’s worth the feeling I get just thinking about it…scared+excitement. Better start saving.
got.to.get.out.of.here
When did the up market Russian hooker look become fashionable in this city? The woman look no better.
